The Healing Power of Writing

Sacred Sorrows welcomes Brenda Daly, LCSW, a new addition to our growing group of contributing writers here at Sacred Sorrows. Brenda lives in Northern California and enjoys walking, writing, hanging out with friends and learning about the expressive arts. She attended her first Sacred Sorrows retreat in 2023. Her greatest joy is her children and grandchildren who live nearby. Brenda’s first born, and dearly loved son, Kevin, died on October 21, 2018.

When I lost my son, Kevin, my life changed in an instant. He was suddenly gone, and I didn’t know how to cope. My background as a licensed clinical social worker taught me about many different life problems but it did not prepare me for the pain of losing a child. I decided to learn all I could about grief to help myself and, eventually, other bereaved mothers.

Early in my journey, I was drawn to the expressive arts—writing, collaging and other forms of creative expression. Through these methods, I was able to access my emotions and process them without feeling overwhelmed. It was then that I began to experience some healing.

I found writing to be a powerful tool for processing my grief. Intense emotions such as numbness, disbelief, sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety became overwhelming and confusing at times. These feelings made it difficult to deal with the pain of loss.

There is a saying that “You have to feel it to heal it.” But where should one begin? A writing class offered by David Kessler, a grief expert, was my first experience with grief journaling. Using the writing prompts provided in the journal, I was able to put words to my story on paper. It recorded my early days of grieving, and I am grateful for the ability to look back on my progression in my grief.

Keeping a grief journal is one way to cope with and express emotions. Dr. James Pennebaker, a social psychologist from the University of Texas at Austin, found from his research that writing about traumatic or stressful events for just 20 minutes a day over four consecutive days had profound effects on the physical and emotional health of those who participated in his study. These results were not just temporary. Pennebaker found the group who did the expressive writing showed continued benefit years later. He noticed the writer was able to openly acknowledge and accept their emotions, give a voice to blocked feelings and reconstruct a meaningful story out of their pain.

Putting pen to paper gave me a safe container for my thoughts, feelings, and memories.

I was able to observe my emotions without feeling overwhelmed. Instead of holding all these intense feelings inside, I was able to put them in writing and sort through them. The expressive arts—whether writing, painting, or collaging –offered a way to be present with my feelings; to put them on paper in front of me so I could just observe them - allowing me to be a witness to my own grief journey.

There are many ways to keep a grief journal. Some use a journal to record thoughts and feelings each day. Others write letters to their loved one. Some collage their feelings or use paint or markers to add creativity to their journal. I invite you to discover what works best for you as you begin this expressive journey.

As my journaling progressed, I wrote letters to Kevin expressing my love, my sadness, my anger and my regrets. Sharing the letters with a therapist was even more beneficial. Over time, I became more creative, adding collages to the journal - or even just a picture or image that represented what I was feeling. Seeds of peace and hope were planted in my heart as I continued my healing journey, compelling me to write my own story and a separate journaling workbook in the months to come.

After attending my first Sacred Sorrows retreat in 2023, and participating and presenting at a few of their events since then, I was asked to lead a virtual journal writing series titled "The Healing Power of Writing" beginning with series 1 on Acute Grief and Acceptance May 6 from 3-4 pm Pacific time. It's based on my journaling workbook - (which you'll need to order for this program, so please do not delay).

It is my hope that you will find as much comfort in writing as I have. Please join me and other grieving mothers for this next step on your healing path. For more information and to register, click on the button below.

Register for The Healing Power of Writing