The conversations I have with others since my son Chad died can be quite surreal. I recently observed (in an out-of-body sort of way) the following words spoken between my surviving son Nicholas and me on the telephone:
Me:
Since the Sacred Sorrows retreat a few weeks ago, I've been really feeling Chad's presence... more so than usual. It's been nice.
Nick:
... I opened up his laptop today... for the first time... That was strange.
Me:
How so?
Nick:
Well, when I opened it there was a lot of dust and hair... and I thought... "Is this his hair?"
Me:
...(long pause)... I bet it is his hair.
Nick:
Yeah... it was like a time capsule... (pause)... A time capsule of... Chad's dirt.
Me:
...(long pause)... Did you cry?
Nick:
Nah.
Me:
Did the laptop work?
Nick:
Yep.
Me:
...(pause)... So what else is goin' on?
(Note to our readers: these are the kind of conversations one has after their child dies. These and many more like them. If you're a grieving mom or grandmother, you understand - and, in fact - it's likely that you welcome comments about your lost loved one. If you're a friend of the grieving, please mention the name of their child in conversation.... (pause) ... even if it is about dust and hair...)