Heartache, Healing, and Hope: Making Room For It All

Sacred Sorrows welcomes Wendy Mikus, a mother of five residing in Gilbert, Arizona. Her 16 year-old son Eli passed in August 2024. Since then, her main focus has been walking her grief journey, and, with God's help, learning how to live again. Wendy continues to take one small step at a time.

It's January 2026.  I just went through the second set of holidays without Eli. The second Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas... it feels surreal. I don't have the words to express how hard it was to go through. But, with God's help and the help from the wonderful and beautiful healing resources He has put on my path, I was able to make room. To make room for love, peace, hope, holiday preparations, and holiday hosting. To make room for grief, sadness and longing for my son. I am not sure how it all fit in my heart and mind, but it did.

Then came New Years. I was not prepared for the pain and disorientation that ending the year and beginning another year without Eli brought. It was truly a punch in my gut, as it sucked the air out of me and left me totally disoriented. The first New Year's without him was absolutely gut wrenching. The second one? Perhaps a little lighter - not as shattering - but still heartbreaking. It's an awful feeling, another year ending and another one starting without him. The calendar keeps going, and as much as I would like to freeze it at times, I just can't.

So, what do I do? I pause. I try to take it all in, the good and the not-so-good. Time has become a double-edged sword for me. As more time goes by, the more I work on my healing journey, and the more I discover opportunities and tools that help me find peace, hope, and restoration.

And yet, the more time goes by, the more I miss him, the more I long for him. What do I do with this? I truly don't know. I just observe, and surrender...trying to surrender my journey daily to the Lord, because He is the only one who can carry it for me.

So, I step into 2026, not with grand goals or intentions, a big list of resolutions, or a strong sense of direction. I step in with hesitation, with longing and heartache, with hope, love, softness, and with peace. And I trust that God will continue to help me learn how to carry it all, and how to make room for it all.