I dreamt about my son Chad last night. That doesn’t happen very often but when it does, I love it. The first time I dreamt about him was shortly after his death. We were in a large outdoor marketplace and I was walking by when I noticed him sitting about twenty feet away, looking at me and smiling. I felt so much love between us - yet I knew in my dream that we weren’t going to get any closer in proximity than these twenty feet. I didn’t like that feeling - but I had some kind of dreamlike understanding that this was the way it was going to be.
Since then, whenever I dream about Chad, he’s always a little distance away, and it feels to me like we’re not going to ever hug again until heaven. That’s kind of a bummer but I’ve accepted it. Probably because I’ll take anything. Seeing his smiling face in my dreams (even if we can’t get any closer) is still a comfort.
I’m a mother who has lost her son. Any dream with him in it makes it a good night for me.
In my dream last night, a friend and I were guests at a crowded banquet. Chad was also there, out of sight, in a different part of the dining hall. When he found out that I was there, he moved to another table so that I could see him... if I adjusted myself ever so slightly and turned my head at just the right angle.
There he was, smiling and waving at me. I waved too. I could feel his love beaming out at me from all directions. It was great to see him. I miss him so much.
Of course, I could whine and bemoan the fact that, in my dream, we didn’t chat, we didn’t hug and I couldn’t get close to him.
Or, I can take what I can get. And last night in my dream I got to see my deceased son Chad smile and wave at me, and for a dreamy moment, all was well in my world.
And that’s a lot.
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