Hanging with my daughter

Sacred Sorrows welcomes back "Meags," contributing writer. Meagen Winter resides in Arizona with her husband, Paul, her dog Cooper, and her service dog, Tango. She's a recently retired school counselor and a lover of all souls. Meagen is the mother of Maria, who went to heaven in May 2020, and her four surviving children Nicholas, Andrew, Claire, and Katelyn. She finds great joy in her young grandchildren Olivia and Charlotte.

Sacred Sorrows’ retreats have created spaces for me to work on my grief, spirituality and my new relationship with my daughter Maria.  

Writing has always been an outlet for me but many times in my life I have deprived myself of this healing gift. Sacred Sorrows has unwrapped it for me.

I "hang with my daughter" in a new and different relationship. This is a good thing. 

The following poem was written about my struggle of not seeing Maria grow beyond the age of 25. When people ask the age of your children, it’s awkward. My daughter "would be 30", or "she was 25". And now my oldest is almost my youngest. One day in my backyard, I was hanging with Maria and having visions of her at different ages. The idea came to me that Maria is the age I want her to be. She won’t be forever 25 nor will she be any age older.  

You are Not Forever 25

You are not forever 25: nor will you be 30, 56, or 84

You are five climbing trees

And scraping knees

You are 22 dancing in the Aspen leaves 

Wishing you did not need to try so hard at life

You are 13 a track and field star

“Hey, can you do the shot put, too?”

You are 17 center stage with your violin

Your body and soul playing “Schindler's List” full of compassion and warmth

I can’t dwell on 26, 30, 56 or 84

What would have it looked like for you?

Because it can not be

Today, you are six and discovered the secrets of the ToothFairy

Winking you ask, “Does she put on a tutu when she’s working?