Sacred Sorrows welcomes back "Meags," contributing writer. Meagen Winter resides in Arizona with her husband, Paul, her dog, Cooper, and her service dog, Tango. She's a school counselor and a lover of all souls. Meagen is the mother of Maria, who went to heaven in May 2020, and her surviving children Nicholas, Andrew, Claire, and Katelyn. In July, Meagen will become a first-time grandmother.
My daughter Maria passed just before Mother’s Day 2020. The anniversary of her death will always be right around Mother’s Day.
A few days before her funeral, I was working at her apartment when an Amazon package arrived. I opened it. I was curious to see what she had ordered. Inside the box was a grey blanket with a cool and warm side. It was silky, and so inviting to cuddle. I wrapped it around me and said, "Thank you for the early Mother's Day gift."
I knew she had always wanted one. When she purchased it, did she imagine how the cool side would protect her on the hot days she hated so much? When hitting the proceed-to -check-out-button, Maria did not imagine that blanket would hug and comfort me. I wished it was not her figurative arms but her actual arms around me.
On Mother’s Day night in 2020, the eve of my daughter’s internment, I wrapped myself in that blanket. I said, "Happy Mother's Day to me." I giggled - and then my tears put me to sleep.